The Piggy's Blanket
by Cornflak
Summary: When Falco doesn't show up for Peppy's birthday, the rabbit sets out to find him. Unfortunately, there also seems to be an uninvited guest on the ship.
**Survivor's Guilt**

Sooner or later, I reckon I always knew it'd be my time to pack it up. Pack it in. What have you. Well, it was about that time. The team threw a big ole party for me and everything. That was nice of them. They really didn't have to go to all that trouble. Boy, it sure did make me feel old, though. Having everybody be so nice to me all of a sudden. They went and baked me a carrot cake to boot. Can't complain about that. Always did like carrots more than anything.

Fox came up and hugged me and told me he loved me. I sneezed in his face and then I wiped my nose. I picked the perfect time to get a sinus infection. Fox just laughed and then he handed me a tissue. He's just like his father. He really is. He's got that natural leader's spirit inside of him. Few have it in them, and that's a fact. He's the sort of person that would cause a ripple across space if he ever died. Friends and family would gather around and remember him forever. I don't think anyone's ever in a bad mood when Fox is around. Well, except maybe Falco.

Speaking of the old bird brain, I hadn't seen him all day. I asked Fox and then I asked Slippy. They just looked around the room, right where they stood, and then they shrugged and told me not to worry about him. That was nice of them, but I was still worried. When you get to be my age, you start to get a real good feeling for when things just ain't right. And Falco...well, let's just say that he wouldn't have missed this if everything was alright. I know how he doesn't like to be out in front of big crowds and so forth, but I really did think I would've seen him sitting in the corner.

I took one long look at the banner that they hung up across the room. Eighty-six years old. Good grief. I wasn't supposed to live this long. I was supposed to die in battle to save my friends. Heck, I don't know. Anything else is more honorable than eating cake while everyone else gave their lives in the line of duty. Well...anyway, I guess it can't be helped. No use in going on about it. Might as well just enjoy the ride before it's over. Tomorrow, we'll be back in Corneria. After that, I can finally say goodbye to seeing stars out my window every day.

* * *

 **Hypochondriac**

That night, I got up out of bed to get a glass of water. I put on my pink bathrobe and a pair of my favorite fuzzy slippers with the bunny ears on them. Falling asleep ain't so easy anymore. You get these aches and pains in all sorts of places. I'm hurting in places on my body that I didn't even know I had. I remember one time, I went and got checked out for prostate cancer. The doctor joked around and he said that I shouldn't have to worry about that, since I'm a rabbit and all. I didn't know what he meant until he told me that having sex decreases your chances of getting the cancer. Now, I know he was just joking, but I don't have that kind of fun these days. No, sir. There was a time and a place, and I remember it well. Back when you never had to worry about how late you stayed up or how much junk food you ate.

Anyway, I had to grab me some tissues before I left my room. I had snot running down my whiskers. I went out into the hall and I blew my nose. When I started down the hall, I saw Falco up ahead. He was sitting on the floor with his back up against the wall. He was wearing his sweatpants and a wifebeater. Oh, heck. There's that word again. Wifebeater. Slippy stopped me one time and he told me that people find that offensive these days. Just a force of habit, if I'm being honest. It's not that I actually think of a man beating his wife when I say that. That was just what everyone called it.

Well, Falco was just sitting there. He was looking up at those bright, fluorescent lights. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I sure as heck wanted to find out. So, I went and walked up to him. He must've heard me from pretty far away, because he looked my way and then he let out a long breath. Yeah, I knew it. Something was wrong. I sat down with him and he said he was sorry for missing my birthday. I said it was okay and I told him that I saved him a piece of cake in the fridge. He started talking about something else, though. He said he was in trouble, and he told me that I couldn't let Fox or Slippy know about it. He told me that he didn't feel safe going to bed tonight.

I tried to calm him down when he started shaking. I told him that everything was okay. After all, if someone broke into the Great Fox, we would know about it. But that was when he told me that it didn't matter. I don't know what he meant by that, but it gave me goosebumps. I asked him what happened, but he wouldn't tell me. All he said was that he was in trouble with someone. That didn't surprise me, if I'm being honest. Falco was always a hotshot and he knew how to stir up the hive. So, I laid a paw on his shoulder and I told him that he can sleep tonight. I would stay up late and keep a lookout. He thanked me and then he went to his room.

* * *

 **Helsinki Syndrome**

Poor guy. It was always hard for him to ask for help. That must have been embarrassing for him. He needs to learn, though. You can never be too good for someone's helping hand. I guess it's only natural. Everyone lives their whole life trying to stay on top, but sooner or later, life catches up with you. And then you better hope you have someone to run to. That's the only reason I'm here right now, watching stars in the dark. The place is still messy from the party. That's fine. We can clean it up tomorrow morning. Right now, I just have to worry about blowing my nose and keeping an eye out for the bogeyman.

"If I cut off your foot...would that make me lucky?"

I just about shit myself right there. I turn around and I see a shadow sitting at the table across from me. His voice doesn't sound like anyone on the ship. It sounds like he knows exactly what's going to happen to me. How long has he been here? I didn't even hear a door open.

"Shouldn't you be in bed, Mr. Wabbit?"

"Look, now. I don't know what Falco went and got himself into, but...just leave us alone tonight."

"That's not fun at all, is it?"

I can't help but sneeze. I reach for a piece of tissue paper and I wipe my nose. My eyes aren't moving away from the shadow, though. Not for a second.

"Aww. Someone's got the sniffles. That's cute."

"What do you want, dammit?"

"How rude. Can we not chat?"

"I want you off this ship, you hear? We don't have any business with you."

"Well...that isn't true, is it?"

I sneeze and I reach for another tissue to blow my nose. Then I say, "I ain't never seen you before in my life."

"Sure, you have. And we do have business. See, I came for your ace pilot. That annoying bird."

"You leave Falco alone, alright?"

"But instead, here you are. It really is a shame. You would have lived to see another birthday if you had just stayed in bed."

I hear a snapping sound, and then I see sparks fly out in front of me. An orange light shows up in front of his face and I can see him now. It's Leon Powalski, an assassin who works for Star Wolf. Oh, Falco. What have you gotten me into, son?

"Judging from the silence, I'd say it's starting to sink in." He takes a drag from his cigarette and he blows the smoke my way. My nose starts to itch and I reach for another tissue, but Leon snatches the tissue box away from me. He says, "You don't need these anymore. Best not to waste them."

"Please, don't..."

"No, no. Don't beg. As much as I love to hear my queries beg, you simply aren't my query. Killing you is something I don't exactly want to do, but I must. And if you start begging, you're going to make me feel bad, and I don't like to feel bad after a kill. How's that sound?"

I sneeze and snot gets all over my paws. I don't have a choice but to wipe it on my bathrobe. More snot just keeps dripping from my nose. I guess there's no use in trying to stop it.

"On the bright side, I just thought of a way for you to be useful. You ever heard of flaying?"

He pulls out a knife.

"Rather painful form of torture and execution. They remove the skin while you're still alive. Isn't that dreadful? But, don't worry about that. I'll shoot you in the head and it'll be quick, and you won't be here for the rest. So, I guess this is more akin to hunting and skinning a rabbit."

"You tryin' to scare me?" I ask him. My voice shakes a little bit. He leans back and his chameleon eyes focus on me.

"Oh, no. Just thought it'd be fair if you knew what's going to happen to your body after you've gone. Pigma's been talking about making a blanket out of your fur for a long time. It's rather annoying to hear him go on and on about it. So, it just occurred to me that I can help everyone win this way."

"What do I win?" I ask him. I sniff and the snot in my nose doesn't stop running even a little bit.

"I suppose that's up to you. Try to justify this sacrifice if you can."

I take a moment and I think about earlier today. I can't help but smile. That's when I see his blaster pistol aimed right at my face. He pulls the trigger.


End file.
